Cultural diplomacy, social interaction and cliches.

I have not written anything for a while. "WHY?" you ask. Well, I just find that everything I want to say seems to belong to another person. These days you can't say anything right it seems or anything original. People are always quick to tell you what you don't know, instead of asking what it is they don't know. If you offer your opinion on a subject that is personal to the listener, which is highly likely given the fact that two parties generally talk about something relative to their own lives - it is quickly seen as a criticism and/or a provocation. You just can't seem to do or say anything right or original in today's world. There's always someone who knows better or pretends that they do. When did we all become so jaded? When did we become so intolerant? Or arrogant? Or have we always been this way?

I grew up in a village in the UK in the seventies and eighties. Life was simple - I shared a universal beginning. There were the seasons, my older brother's teasing and bullying, and my twin sister's company and competition. Sometimes I wish I could go back to that world, but then I remember that I have a responsibility because of the chances I have been given to probe areas of society and make the connections for those who don't have a voice.

Life was simple when I was young. I didn't even know where London was - it was a million miles away - in reality it was only 200 miles away. But there was a desire for adventure and discovery. So, what went wrong?

Today, we seem to be living in a world that has become overly xenophobic and insular, although it is the easiest time in the history of human existence to travel and touch the lives of other cultures. You'd think that we'd be much closer to each other with today's technology and knowledge transfer being accessible within minutes, but we are not. It seems that we are further away than I was from London when I was a teenager growing up in the UK.

I despise cliches after having been an expat living in Turkey for a while, and try to stay away from them in discussions and also try to question every statement that is made by assumptions in people's live, in order to become closer to those who I am talking with - when you do this regularly with a cross section of any culture then it is a fantastic way to understand the complexities without having to define them constantly to the world, and hopefully it brings you closer to the issues that need to be addressed all over the world.

There are fat, short, thin, tall, stupid, smart people all over the world. Why do we love labels? Because people like them, they use them to define their lives in the eyes of others. Labels, labels, labels... "international community".... "terrorist".... "war on terror"... there are plenty of them floating around... "socialist"... "conservative"... "liberal"... "believer"..."non-believer"... "traitor"... "victim"... the list is endless.

Last night I was sitting in a bar and the man across the table asked me: "What do you do?"

I responded in kind and then returned the compliment by asking him: "What do you do?"

Now whether he understood the question or not I don't know, or whether it's because I said I was a journalist I don't know.. but the exchange that came after that initial social interaction left me surprised and a little sad to say the least.

"I'm ANTI internet," he said. The response was slightly aggressive I thought, maybe he was trying to make some sort of political statement, trying to impress me as men so often do when talking to the female sex... especially the foreign type.... but when he said he was an "IT manager", I posed the idea that just maybe the internet could be used for good instead of evil. BUT he freaked out and became VERY aggressive and said, "You are not listening to me," at which point I quietly thought to myself... hang on BUT I didn't realise it was a MUST to listen to a guy who had been sitting across the table from me for only one hour and who had made a social gesture by starting up a conversation with me. Are we not all "adults" here?

Let's just rewrite this situation:

An English woman has been verbally assaulted in a bar in Istanbul after she commented on a bold statement that a Turkish man made about his character, according to local drinkers. The man, who said he was frustrated that the woman did not listen to him, said he thought she was ignoring him because he was Turkish and she was a foreigner.

"She ignored me, because she thought she was better than me. I don't know why she is here in my country, she should go home, we don't want her type here," he said.

The police were called by the owners of the bar who said that the man was causing a disturbance for no reason at all. Witnesses said that the man had started on the woman for no reason at all.

"I believe that he asked her a question and she responded as one would," a man on the scene said.

The woman decided not to press charges as she did not want to be the target of further abuse and said that she thought he was just a man with bad manners.

"He obviously has no social skills," she said.

The two shook hands after the man apologised for the incident. He said that he felt embarrassed after the woman forgave him.

Now, back to the reality.....

He then gave me his business card and TOLD me to call him, so that he could explain himself. WELCOME BACK I thought. Yep, back in Turkey the land of the WILD WEST where absolutely anything is possible. Just an hour before I had been talking to a good friend about the politics and history of the region in particular the claim of Kirkuk and Portugal's 5% interest in the oil revenues thanks to one of the last Sultans of the Ottoman empire, according to my friend's theory.

This incident took place in a bar, in central Istanbul while I was having a drink with a friend. I didn't ask for it - and I have no idea why this guy behaved in such a rude manner, other than he felt that he had to prove something, or that because I am a foreigner he felt he had a right to have a go at me - I here, by saying this out loud become a victim to racism and fall into the cliche of rationalising why he behaved so aggressively to me by putting it down to the polarisation of Turkish culture that seems to be happening day by day, which saddens me deeply.

I wish that his friend standing across from me had intervened, but he just stood there and saod nothing.

Isn't it nice to be polite to your peers? And I don't mean in profession, or financial earnings - but those who are of a similar age, and social set - due to the fact that we were in the same bar.

Wouldn't it be nice to first learn about someone before jumping in with some half-concocted statement about who you are. Maybe the person you are talking to doesn't really want to listen anyway.

My friend said later as we left the bar: "You are wrong if you try to teach someone about something who doesn't have the capacity to know." And I thought... hmmm.. he is right, but then I also thought that in itself is a sad statement - do we just give up?

It was a mix of defense, national pride - which I also have.. I'm the first to admit it, I love my history and culture, but not to the extent that it stops me trying to understand another person when faced with a question that I don't know the answer to.

Onward I walk through the windows of humanity - and all I can hope for is that one day this man will know how it feels to be screamed at for no reason at all.